Kagura: I am the Wind~

I am the wind
Never to be enslaved
To decide my own destiny
To do as I please

I am the wind
Fly away from this cage
To soar in the sky
To cruise over the sea

I am the wind
Wouldn’t be held down no more
To act upon one’s orders
To die at one’s whim

I am the wind
Released from the leash
To know what it feels like
To be finally free

I am the wind
Life is short lived
To die is a liberation
To die is to flee

I am the wind
In my last living moments
To have him by my side
To at long last be me

Emo

What is this feeling of overwhelming sadness, this wave of pain washing over me. The mere thought of it makes tears sting my eye. No, not here. I’m not going to cry in public, especially not on the bus. I can just feel those eyes behind me, staring, waiting for me to bring up my hands, to wipe away those persistant tears. I need to get a hold of myself. It’s just two more stops away. And then I can cry in peace, curl into a ball, wallow in misery. A little more, and I will be back in my sanctuary, my world, my space.

Focus, focus on something else, take my mind of things. Yes! The music being played by those idiots at the back of the bus! Finally of some use. But the rhythm is irritating the hell out of me.

Thump, thump, thump.

It sure is annoying. Wonder how they can stand those noise they call music. If he was here..

No! Stop it! Stop thinking of him! Damn it! I can feel those tears again. Close my eyes, that will stop those tears from flowing out.

But an image of him came into my mind. Those piercing eyes, his wind blown hair and that smile which always seemed to play on his lips. How can I ever forget, to think that I can hold back my emotions. I should know when to give up, to let go of the weight upon my shoulders and cuddle my bag and cry.

As my tears flowed relentlessly and I sobbed uncontrollably, I notice that the bus has passed my stop. Let it be then, let it be. All I want is to let my emotions engulf me.

i’m home

Pushing open the door silently, he peeked in cautiously, scanning around for his mother. Was she in a good mood today? Or was she prowling around, waiting to get at him?

With trembling hands, and shaky legs, he approached the kitchen towards the sounds of clanking plates and rushing water. He called out meekly to make known his presence, anticipating the kind of welcome he was going to receive.

He is long used to the moments of escalating fear which were followed by either relief or bouts of pain and hopelessness. However, the intensity of dejection does not decrease with time.

He called out again, thinking that she might not have heard him the first time. As she turned around slowly, he could feel the acceleration of his heart beat with every passing moment.

His day was not meant to be. A look of irritation flashed across his mother’s face as she looked at him. He knew what was coming but it did not lessen the heaviness in his little heart.

She screamed profanities and threw whatever she could get her hands on, at him. It would all end soon, he told himself. And it did, but not before having been cut on his forehead by a piece of shattered glass and having been bruised on his arms and legs.

Despite all the pain, he did not blame her. He knew he deserved it, he knew he did. That’s what she told him right? Why else would he be going through such agony? He once read in a book about retribution. “You reap what you sow”, it said. So all this must be due to something bad which he had done. Maybe it was the time he stole his classmate’s new mechanical pencil. Or maybe because he took a peek at another person’s paper during the Maths test.

But there was a time when life wasn’t like this. Sure there was, when Daddy was still around. However, Daddy went out one day and never came back. He heard relatives talking about “mistress” and “eloped” and wondered what those words meant. All he knew was that Daddy was never coming back.

It wasn’t that he didn’t try waiting. Wait he did, but it was all to no avail. He used to sit at the door, straining his ears to listen for the sounds which Daddy used to make. The nostalgic tip-tapping of feet as he walked along the corridor and jingling of keys when opening the door. But after 5 months and 13 days of waiting, he gave up. It was also around that time when his mother started ignoring him. Neglect slowly turned into irritation and finally random periods of hysteria.

in the office

There she goes again, Miss BMW (not the car, it stands for Big Mouth Woman) sashaying around the office in her frilly dress and over done cheeks with bright pink blusher (commonly labelled as baboon’s butt by the rest of the staff). She goes about with her usual morning routine of informing everyone about how busy she would be for the rest of the day.

Counting down to 3, 2 and 1 more cubicle before she reaches my seat, I mentally prepared myself for her shrilly laughter and fake smile.

“Morning! So have you had your breakfast?”

I replied with a bored “Ya~~” before going back to my work.

“Well, do you know that you should have a healthy breakfast…”, she continued as though it didn’t matter that there are others who seriously had work to do. I listened to her attentively and waited for the moment to chase her away.

“Oh! By the way, I have got so much work to do today. There is this report..”, I cut her off before she could tell me more about her imaginary report.

“Wow! Really? Then why are you here instead of working on it?”

Her cheeks flushed through her thick makeup (which seems almost impossible), and she quickly stomped off. Well, I will be looking forward to my usual source of entertainment tomorrow.

the subordinate

She’s shouting her head off again. It has been like this for 7 years now, slogging my life away in this nameless company. Okay, so I screwed up on this proposal but the customer was never interested in the project to begin with. So what’s the problem?

A mental picture of me ripping her throat apart amused me even though right now I felt as though I was the one getting torn into pieces

If only I could leave my job. But I can’t imagine the kind of hell my wife would bring upon me if she finds out, especially with the piling up of bills and a baby coming soon.

I will tolerate with this for just one more month till I can find a better offer. Just one more month…

swing

The rusty chains creaked, straining with every jerk of the hand and push off of the feet. The swing was groaning beneath her weight when it seems just like yesterday her feet merely scraped the leaf-filled ground.

The sky dimmed with every passing moment, changing from shades of yellow to orange, and finally dissipating into tiny specks of dust glistening in the dark blue sky.

Her smile has grown weary with the passing of time. She has now experienced the bitterness along with the sweetness in life. As she recollected on the events of the day, a tear rolled down her cheek and joined the dance of the light drizzle that was falling from the heavens.